August 18, 2008

It's a Bird, It's a Plane...It will POKE Your Eye Out!

Dear Tourist Lady at the Air Show this Weekend,

I have a few questions.

1. Why does one grow their nails that long?
2. Do you dip the whole nail into a bucket of paint to paint them?
3. How do you paint your toenails?
4. Do you have someone button those very tight jeans?
5. How do you scratch an itch of any kind?
6. Or 'clean up' after a visit to the bathroom?
7. Does someone have to wash your hair?
8. Do you use something else to punch buttons on the microwave?
9. Do your nails mostly scare kids or fascinate them?
10. Will I see you in the record books?
11. How long does it take to grow nails that are almost a foot long?
12. Does it scare men away?
13. Is your jewelry 'stuck' there?
14. Does it scare you when you sleep that they will get caught in the sheets?
15. What about opening car doors?
16. How do you wash dishes?

Listen ma'am, I mean no disrespect, but having had fake nails--sports length-- there are things I cannot wrap my brain around.

I am certain I am not the first to ask.

A very curious co-tourist,



painted maypole said...

crazy! i had a great aunt with quite long nails (but they didn't curl!) and she used a pencil to dial the phone, push buttons, etc. As a kid I was fascinated with them, and they are NOTHING next to that lady's that's dedication! and how sad is she when one breaks?

jen aka mommay said...

Oh my! How can you function like that? How do you wipe your butt is what I want to know too!

Channah said...

Wow! Not only that, how did she get them that long without breaking them? Clearly, she doesn't a) have children, b) do any housework, c) do anything on the computer 'causing typing is out, and d) do any kind of cooking, because no oven mit would fit, and if she was at a stovetop, she'd catch her finger nails on fire at the range.

Casdok said...

I cant wrap my brain around it either.
Great questions!

Mama Zen said...

I was wondering about wiping, too!

MommyBrain said...

Gonna have to agree with Channah on that one... OMG.. Yeah.. how does she wipe her butt??? EWWW!

I can't imagine.. since having my girls, i haven't been able to grow mine past my finger tip.. no worries tho...

Aunt Julie said...

Eeeeewwww...I've seen a gal with nails like this on Ellen. I don't understand how one takes care of the most basic hygeine (can you say "wipe your butt"?) with talons like that!

ImitationAngel said...

I have an aunt who has nails that are longer than average. Her nails aren't as long as the ones in the photo but they are long enough to the point where they do curl a little. It's not my first time seeing someone with nails like that but I've always how they functioned. First thing that comes to mind is how they wipe themselves or take a bath. I know I would be too scared to let nails that long near any of my private areas.

Maddy said...

Good grief! I had to click on the picture for a closer look as I couldn't see any nails just a couple of those new energy saving light bulbs......didn't know they made them in red!

Kgraham said...

Oh my!!! I clip mine when I start to see white, so I definitely can't relate!!! Way too much work for this mommy!!!

G said...

WOW there are no words about those nails. :(

air shows are always great places to people watch.

BarbaraRae said...

WOW!!..And what is the point of that?
It seems like the most basic tasks would be pretty limited! And YA.. the wiping. They would probably wind up in the toilet water...EEWWWW!!

naturalmom said...

Yowza! Good questions, lol!

Posh Totty said...

OMG!!! I so wish that lady would come and answer your questions now, I am really curious what she would have to say lol.

Posh Totty said...

OMG!!! I so wish that lady would come and answer your questions now, I am really curious what she would have to say lol.

huddtoo said...

WOW! Took me a minute to figure that one out. I thought she was holding snakes or something.

I agree on the questions. You do have to wonder how she does *anything* at all!
The toilet...I guess she could just use a bidet, but, someone would still have to pull those pants up! LOL

Jennifer said...